I don’t cry very often. When I do, I take a photo of myselft.

In this precious period of time, I’m trying to reconnect with myself from the past. Things have changed. My thinking has changed. But I hope emotionally I still stay as intense as before, even though everything has changed.

I feel like I’ve been living on tranquilizer in the last couple of years. Ever since I was disconnected with my channel or whatever it was.

Slightly insane is good. Remember this.

A perfect life for me as a graphic designer would be:

1. Working on only one project per month is enough to support my living.

2. Work for people you like, like a cd album design for your favorite musician.

3. The people I work for loves my design and will go with my ideas.

A perfect life as an artist would be like now. Totally free of any nonsense of daily life, no work, no client, no rent, no phone call from other people except from lover, family & friends. The only thing is I have to keep reminding myself that this is not a vacation. Focus, focus!

Thanks to CPW (Center for Photography at Woodstock), I’m doing my first residency here, for a month!

I live in a house that’s 15min walk to CPW with another artist Yamini Nayar. There are alot of deers in this area, everyday a deer friend will come to visit us.

I’ve been taking a book making workshop from Ann Lovett for the past 4 days. After trying to avoid book making for all these years, I finally made my first book, & absolutely love it! The last 2 days of the workshop was held at Women Studio Workshop at Rosendale, NY, 30min drive from Woodstock. I love the atmosphere there.

All the women work there enjoy lunch together at the balcony. They have a great chef!!!

It has been the best week of my life, not worrying about things or people, but just concerntrating on being myself. My life had been so busy that I didn’t even have time to just breathe or stare at the stars or think about the things I wanna do. It’s great to have a break.

Aipad show’s happy find: Gilbert Garcin

One thing you shouldn’t do is to wake me up before I natually do, especially when I’m still dreaming. Like one day, Moro called me at around 1:30pm. I was really about to wake up but still in dream. I got up, answered his call with my eyes closed for 10 mins. In my mind, I knew it’s time to wake up & get dressed. But my body was so upset that I went back to bed & slept until 3:30PM. If I was not woken up by Moro’s phone call, I would probably got up in 10 mins. But I was really mad about being interrupted in my dreams, so I wasted 2 more hours. I call this retaliatory sleep.

有一件事你最好不要做，就是在我自然醒之前弄醒我。比如有一天， MORO在下午一点半给我打电话。我当时其实马上要醒了，但是梦还没做完。我起来，闭着眼跟他打了10分钟电话。我很清楚是时候醒来了。但是我的身体非常的不满意，于是我又回到床上睡到三点半。如果我没有被MORO的电话吵醒，我大概最多再睡10分钟。但是我真的很生气做梦被打断就又浪费了2小时。我叫这种为报复性睡眠。

One place I really enjoy in NY is Shizen Salon. It’s a Japanese hair salon which gives you shizen(NATURAL) hairstyle. I’ve got my second haircut within 6 weeks, because I can’t wait to go there. Everything makes you feel so comfortable, you’ll know what I mean if you go there. It’s hard to make appointments, you have to do it one month in advance.

来到纽约后，有一个地方我很喜欢去就是自然发社。它是一家提供自然发型修剪的日本发廊。我已经是6周内第二次光顾那里了，因为我等不及再去一次。那里一切都让你觉得很舒服，你去了就知道我在说什么了。很难预约，必须提前一个月。

They also have super cool wall mural.他们有很酷的壁画。

Oops…

I haven’t moved again actually. Although I wish I did. All my life, I’ve never stopped believing I’m a alien. Back to Mars, Mars!

1. I’m moving to Brooklyn, NY next week.
2. I’m a Hey, Hot Shot!
3. I’m traveling with my mom & aunt thru US.
4. I updated my website www.bloodypixy.com.
5. I’m really tired.  

… & later

6. I got an interview from NYMPHOTO.

我一直是很麻木的人，但曾经有一段时间我的生活起伏澎湃，所以感受狂多。后来不知是起茧了，还是生活趋于平淡，再也没有感觉了。

I’ve always been a numb person. Even though, I used to feel alot because my life was up and down (like earthquake). Maybe because I had enough, or my life went even, I no longer feel anything.

说不定还是一直过平淡的生活好啊，就可以习惯感受琐碎的小事了。日本人吃的清淡到底是好啊。

I’m wondering if I can feel little things if my life had always been boring. It’s good for Japanese that they eat tasteless food.  (Gee, how can I express it in English?!)

不过也有可能，我天生SENSOR弱，若是生活一直平淡就一辈子没有过感觉了。

But maybe I was born with a weak sensor. I would had no feeling at all if my life was forever boring.

像无数个夜晚一样，我坐在电脑前，疯狂地点击网页，祈望能看到某件事，某句话，带给我安慰。很累了，心有点隐隐作痛，窗外的鸟都叫了，但是我还是不肯上床。我一直不知道这个毛病叫什么，或者叫它空虚症。我像一个饥饿的人疯狂搜寻食物，但是所有都是虚无。

Like all the other nights, I’m sitting in front of my computer, clicking millions of links, in the hope of seeing some event, a sentence that will comfort me. I’m so tired that my heart start aching. The birds start singing outside. I still don’t wanna go to bed. I never know how to call this symptom, maybe we can call it emptiness. I’m like a hungry man in the desprate search for food, all in vain.